mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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