I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
