Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
