The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
