If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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