I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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