yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
