For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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