dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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