I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
