I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
