I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
