After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
