You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
