I got chris browned last night
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
