I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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