Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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