D3 body, D1 cock
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
