capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize