I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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