Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
