Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize