Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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