I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
