I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
