I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize