U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
