So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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