maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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