He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
