My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
