I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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