I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This house was built for laser tag.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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