i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
