You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
