Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
