i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
