THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
