I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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