AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
