took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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