I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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