I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
