Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
