Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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