I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
