Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
