I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
