she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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