Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
