If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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