yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
