i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are these your boobs on my camera?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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