I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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