can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
