Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
