if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
