It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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