3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
being pregnant is like rehab
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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