I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
