and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
