been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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