he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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