im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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