On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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