is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
