I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
