After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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