Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
