and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
