We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
