the condom got lost in my hair
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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