i think my tv is drunk
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
