I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
