i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
