I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
