Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
