dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
