Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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