If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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