Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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