Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
